Saturday, March 5, 2011

I'm Not Too Nice, I'm Just Too Tired

I was once told in a review that I was "too nice". Looking back now, I really was. The supervisor didn't know that I knew some of her questionable business practices. I could've said something but I didn't. Everything plays out in it's own time and I figured it would catch up to her.

This whole being too nice thing popped back into my head this week. I had a problem with getting a prescription filled and really wished that I wasn't so nice. It takes energy to be "not nice" and frankly, I didn't have any energy to spare. I just wanted my medicine. 

After I got home I talked with my sister. I told her the problem that I had at the drugstore. I said that our Mother wouldn't have stood for it. She would have insisted on speaking with the manager. I said that I simply wouldn't have had the energy and how can Mom? 

My sister said that it's during those times that she slaps on her super human power pack. She commented that my niece had inherited the trait. I wondered how we had to get some of the other genes and not that one. (would love to trade up from the chin hair gene)

I've seen my Mom's Super Human Power Pack many times. We don't dare kid her about it because we all know she's come to our aid. My Mom has had to put that pack on too many times. She slapped on her Super Human Pack when my dad was sick and so many times for my brother. I think my brother wanted to use his own Super Human Pack but my mom wouldn't want him to use his own. He needed it for his fight. Now she packs it on for my Grandmother...who, come to think of it has her own Super Human Power Energy Pack. (She's 96...but she's rounded herself up to 97 already) 

My dad would handle crisis the polar opposite of my mother. My mom would already be in a reactive mode by the time my dad would realize something was happening. My mom's pack would already be in hyper drive. My dad would tend to be the calm after the storm. He would take over while my mom's "pack" was being recharged. Maybe I have some of those genes.

I had a dear friend Mellem that helped me by giving me a sort of weekend assertiveness training course. It was a crash course in not being a doormat. I was embarking on a new life for myself and my son and she could see I was a bit hesitant. We worked through many exercises and at the end of the weekend it was hard to say good-bye. In her lovely South African accent she told me how much she liked my "flat" and how it was perfect for me. Somehow really that's all I needed to hear.

When I read articles on how to "reinvent" your life I'm always taken back. I believe that if you're really ready to be your authentic self there's no invention. After all of the old layers peel away you're left with just yourself. It's your self. One step in front of the other you embark on life. You can roll with it how ever you please. I'll be meandering down my road the nice way.

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